Saturday, 21 December 2013

Important Principles On Couples Therapy

By Harriett Crosby


Couples therapy refers to the process of counseling parties involved in a relationship with an aim of reconciling their differences. The therapy can be either short term or long term. Whereas short term therapy lasts for a maximum of three sessions, long term sessions are usually between a one to two dozen sessions. Counseling is based on a relationship history with the therapist seeking to bring out real emotions and feeling from each party.

The counsellor and the couple have to understand that every individual possesses a set of values, principles and beliefs that stand out from the rest. Challenges in a relationship may be interference by outside parties, ego, self-centeredness, insecurity, arrogance, high tempers among others. The manner and magnitude of response of a partner towards changes in the relationship largely determines the happiness among couples. Common changes include disease and financial matters.

Both parties need to be involved in resolving issues in their relationship-it takes two to tango. As mentioned earlier, every individual has their perceptions and set of values which may clash with the other party. Therefore, a viable remedy will be to adjust the perceptions of the partners to go along with the situation at hand. It should be noted that each person should equally be willing to positively adapt without favoring one side.

The biggest tool of the exercise is communication. It is important that each partner gets enough time to express themselves and to tell their side of the story. The therapist should as much as possible avoid interrupting and guiding the direction of the conversation to avoid bias. Talking out the issues helps reduce the tension between the spouses. Each partner should be trained to be a good listener and to patiently wait for their turn.

Therapy to couples can be done by a psychiatrist, pastor, clinical social worker or a psychologist. The role of the therapist is to listen attentively, be in a position to point out the source of emotion and finally put in order feelings and response in the relationship. The therapist should be easily accessible for consultation.

The practitioner first has to listen to both sides of the story before making any other step. Each partner may be seen individually depending on circumstance and how beneficial this can be. However, the individual approach should only be used when there is mutual consent and does not pose further threat to the relationship.

The therapy comes with its own share of setbacks. Promoting active listening of spouses to one another may sometimes cause more harm than good. With this methodology, the criticizer may go beyond limit and the intended message may be distorted. The criticism may end up being received as malice rather than correction. It is therefore very important for the therapist to exercise caution as they handle the different partners.

Counseling of persons in same sex relationships and unmarried couples also falls under the category of couples therapy. This is why the name was changed from marital therapy to factor in homosexuality, a recent development. In addition to normal challenges in a relationship, gay spouses have to bear the brunt of both social and legal discrimination. As such, therapists have the task of not only ensuring the couple is comfortable around each other but also facilitating positive reception by the larger society.




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